It’s been a crazy couple of years. My husband and I had twin boys (and no, it doesn’t run in the family), welcomed my sister and her family back to MN after living across the globe for nearly a decade, lost our home and both cars in the Minneapolis tornado, spent 6 months living in a basement while we looked for a new house, and did a complete house renovation, all while my husband and I continued to run our own businesses. Whew!

As if that weren’t enough to keep our heads spinning, we are expecting our third child in mid-June. I am getting more excited everyday to meet this new little person….but at the same time, I am terrified of what a new baby will bring. Just when we got to a point that the boys are getting “easier” and more predictable, we’re going to start all over again with another baby. The sleep deprivation, the round-the-clock feedings and nap cycle, the frustrations of not knowing when or what is needed… all with the added layer of having two toddlers who keep us plenty busy all on their own. I worry that I won’t have enough time, enough love, enough patience to attend to the needs of each of my children. I worry that I won’t be able to offer the same opportunities to this new baby as I did for the boys. I worry that I won’t be able to read books to the boys before bed or keep them stimulated enough during the day while caring for a new infant. I worry that I won’t be able to keep up with cooking or housework, let alone do anything for myself that will keep me sane.

However, as I sat in my backyard today with my children contained by a newly-installed fence and happily playing in the dirt, I am overjoyed and overwhelmed with how much has happened, how far we’ve come, and where we’ve ended up. Baby #3 busily draws on the inside of my belly…. a constant reminder that things are about to drastically change again. But through my worries and self-doubt, I look at my boys and breathe in the fresh air and I can’t help but be excited for the next wild ride. Its the feeling you get at the top of the roller coaster when you think to yourself “maybe this wasn’t such a good idea”, but there you are and down you go…. and you love every second of it!

Gretchen